I am a big sitcom watcher. I like lots of them, mostly I llike those fake ones, where interesting people have such a good friendship and group, that they seem to live a perfect marriage in four, five, six. It seems perfect, when you watch them, but afterwards you got rolled back into your life, where people, who you are dealing with on a daily basis, are not only not interested in you, but they also are trying to ignore you with their arrogance.
I should have known, when I started my travel life, that making and having friends is not easy, if you are changing your residence every now and then. It becomes even more difficult, when you are out of the age of making friends (like there would be an age for that).
I’ve dealt with this problem in different ways in different cities, and I am not writing a manual about the cities, I’ve lived, it is my personal view about my personal capacities to build my social life, so please, don’t get it wrong, I am not giving instructions or general ideas.
When I got to Dachau, I was 23. The years, before I’ve left Hungary, I was at every party, I had sooo many friends, really. I always had someone in our room in the dormitory or went to visit someone or organized a party. So the first week in my first own appartment was the hell. After work I was lonely, I felt lonely and had noone to go for a beer or even for a walk. I cried literally every evening in the first 10 days. Then I became friends with one of my collegue. We went to the parties together, it was a great time.
During my university years it was slightly different. Not only I had to deal with working while studying, which meant, that when others were studying, I was working, when others were at the parties, I was studying and finally when others were sleeping, I had my freetime and could have gone to parties, but was just tired and went to sleep by myself, but also it was Munich. Europe’s single town for excellence. I learned to be alone and enjoyned it sometimes. Galleries, fitness, going to swim every week, movies, everything on my own. I had few friends on the floor of the dormitory, but these were more occasional meetings in the kitchen, rather then chosen friends.
From there I went to Venice for some months, and discovered, what it means to be Italian. We were cooking together every evening, eating together, we were having so much fun, it was amazing.
Down to Barcelona I found myself being 10 years elder, than my roommates, so I really didn’t even want to stay with them. After that I moved to Italy and started to work. The workplace was nice, we became friends very quickly with the others, I remember one day, when I realized, that I threw my hobbies, I haven’t even bought my groceries, since I always have been with friends for drinks, for walks, for movies, it was great!!!
After I started to work on my own, it changed again. I was not able to make new friendships. It is just, like I would have forgotten, how to make it. We – Giorgio and me – are new in town, we don’t know anyone, his collegues are nice, but they are just making stupid jokes and are not that reliable to count as real friends and my collegues…well, I was working from home, alone.
Now in London, I don’t even know, what I thought, I thought maybe, it will be a bit easier to stay here, that my collegues wouldn’t be that arrogant or not interested in me, so they at least would talk to me, or understand my situation and help me to socialize. Well…none of these happened. I can’t blame them, in our company people come and go after six months, most of them are here only for an internship, the others have families and live in a very different culture, there is only one guy I can and do bother all the time. But he is eleven or even twelve years younger, than me.
It’s not, that I don’t feel well with him, but I just don’t want to make the next step and go out with his friends, who may look at me as on an elderly woman, maybe even worse, as on a cougar. (I do not have similar plains…)
I know, that in the era of the social networking I could just look up a Hungarian group, a jogger group, whatever group, but I am not ready to face the reality, that if I don’t want to be alone the whole weekend, I have to “work” on it like this, I imagine these things could work easily, randomly and accidentally, like just meeting someone, you think, could be a good friend. Unfortunately the social netowrking makes it easy one way, because it made it hard on the other. Real life meetings don’t count anymore, people just got closed and don’t open their mental door for a new person. They don’t even think about it, how it would be for them, since they have never faced situations like this. (Remember, that when I will be “the prime minister of Europe”, I will make travelling for a year into a different culture mandatory for everyone)
So, since I don’t sleep so well – understandable, I go to sleep around 8 PM, since nothing to do, I get tired of my own lonelyness – I am watching in streaming these stupid sitcoms, with not even nearly real friendships, like “Friends” or “Big bang theory” or “How I met your mother”, until I don’t have to take my shower and get ready for the real life.