Mental trips


It took long, until I got to this post, although habits…I really – don’t – like them.

I got my first interest in the topic, after I heard from a guy, who was the head of a family, where I used to babysit, that instead of opening his beer, as usual – Bavarian – he was saying: “From now on for a month I don’t take my beer for dinner, I don’t like habits, I can get rid of only with difficulties.”

Sure, one beer a day doesn’t mean, you are an alcoholic, so where is the point? Surely not on the beer. The point is, what he said: having habits, you can’t get rid of, tend to bind you. You are not free (and remember, God gave you the free will, why do you want to throw it away? Or you choose not to choose, and decide only one time for every similar situation?)

Hm…something I have never thought of before. Habits fade the colors of my life, they make it plain. If you know in every moment, what you can wait from the next moment, where is then the surprise effect?

From here I started to live this non-habit life, maybe I also exaggerated: I thought my normal days through and tried to change the order of the things: If I used to look at the bloody sitcomes every Tuesday evening for some reasons, afterwards I made that evening to a social evening with friends or cooked proper dinner.

Did I run always mornings? Ok, afterwards I tried to run in the lunchbreak or even in the evening. (I still love running in the mornings, I can’t get rid of it)

I never wore skirts or heels? Then I started to mix things up, one day smart clothes, the next day jeans.

Everything seemed to be a habit, there was no proper line between habits, preferences, necessary things – having breakfast on Saturdays was always like on normal days, since I always used that day for a proper run, therefore I stood up at 6:30 and had my usual muesli, but afterwards I stayed in bed on Saturdays and had omlette with a book and aperitif at 11:30, to chill out (chilling out on purpose makes it senseless though…By then I started to have movie mornings, not movie evenings)

I thought afterwards, that even having a bed is just a habit, so I started to sleep on a mattress – became a habit, I just ordered my king-size mattress without having a bed-frame. Bed frames are really useless.

Living in only one country was just a habit, so let’s travel, if Europe gives me this opportunity to go from one country to another, like those would only be different cities.

Having long hair? Let’s cut it!

Living together with my boyfriend? Let’s find a rental appartment and let’s live separate in a separate city/country! 

I don’t regret any of these decisions. Sure, I am here with 37 and still am unable to imagine to become a mum and to give up on this experiencing phase of my proper life, I became a kind of hermit, since I don’t even see the sense anymore in going out with people only for the sake of the habit, if I don’t like them, and I can tell you, lots of people only go out with the same people over the years, because they always used to do it. Every goddamn Saturday, same friends, same bars, same drinks, same discussions.

Sure I can’t tell to have loads of friends, but I enjoy every moment, I spend with anyone of them (even by assisting to their habits, like having a beer every Friday in the same pub is one of the best moments of my week with my favorite person in the UK. I so trust him on anything, I also accept his habits. Sure, would he tell me on a Thursday evening, let’s go for a beer, I would be happy, but even I can see the importance of the Friday.)

So I don’t even have special relationships to places or objects, not even to money, and I think, it is, because I try to accept, that things can – please, also have to – change. 

When I started to travel, I realized, that I need more or less three months in a new city to feel home. Now I feel everywhere at home, if I am on the streets, and don’t feel alone, when I am alone. (Became traveling a habit? Am I unable to stay on my butt for longer than seven years? How many seven years can I still have and how many countries?)

Habits can change your life. They can better it, if you run every morning, or never drink, or read every day a chapter of a book, or read a reliable newspaper in lunch break, but they also hide from you the possibility to discover, what else you could do with your time, while you usually read that paper.

I try to find at least one proper habit of mine. Is eating muesli a habit? I always – ALWAYS – start my day with crunchy muesli with a bit of milk and three full spoons of yogurt (never four, nor two). I start my working days with stopping by at my colleague’s office to chat a bit. Work is not a habit, so 9 to 5 is necessity. That’s it.

I don’t even have a habit for any special occasion. Like always having a birthday cake, or always having the same friends over for New Years Eve. (I don’t celebrate that bloody evening since at least ten years properly. I do celebrate it somehow, last year we’ve been on the Waterloo bridge, the year before it was some slow cooked dinner at home, and a film, can’t really remember, which one, maybe “This is it” from Michael Jackson. We started to watch it on the laptop, held on the knees of Giorgio. First we just wanted to check, if we like it, then we couldn’t stop and kept watching and talking about, how life is short, and how we should enjoy every bit of it, since we’ll really never know, when and how and why we die…) Because one thing is really sure. Whoever was born once, will certainly die in one point of the time.


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