Mental trips

Friends…again

I was invited to a very good friend’s wedding.
I know….weddings are special, weddings are events, where you can’t excuse yourself and don’t go, because you don’t want to, you HAVE TO be there because of the social conventions, valid in our reality. Even, if I know it, I can’t go on without having a thought on it.
I know this person since almost ten years. She wasn’t my best friend from the first second on, we kindly ignored each other for a while, but then, exactly ten years ago, when my mother died, strangely I understood, how fragile life is, and restarted over again to enjoy life – I’ve spent like 2000 € in 2 months for parties, trips, clothes, it was amazing – and since she was on the floor of our dormitory the girl RESPONSIBLE for parties, I tried to get close to her. Tuesdays it was karaoke, on wednesdays it was the party in the basement of the dormitory itself, on Saturdays the club with the 80’s music or some random beer drinking. She got me alive. She was funny, she had that kind of humorism and disrespectfulness, what I needed in that moment to understand, that I can do, whatever I want in life. She took anything, she wanted, she used the place, where she lived, she even seemed to use the people, who she was in contact with, but she was also always available, if you needed her.

I remember, once, when I arrived to Munich without having a place to spend the night, I just called her, and she hasn’t even asked, why and when, she just okaid to have me at her place.

Then we graduated. First me. Six months before the exams I’ve already moved to Italy and started to prepare myself and the exams and the thesis, while I was working. Fortunately in those months her best-friend was internet, like mine, so we emailed us every single day, we exchanged our thoughts, like we’d be together. Every time, I had an exam and travelled to Munich, she gave me a place to sleep and we’ve spent the day together. Somehow even my graduation is thanks to her, even if we’ve got sooo drunk the day before my final exam, it is a wonder that it is a wonder I actually mastered the exam and I haven’t thrown up during the exam….

Then she graduated and hasn’t found a job in Munich, so she moved back to her country…first she was very interactive and installed skype, we spoke about visiting ourselves, we spoke every month…then she stopped to care about internet, friends, and had a boyfriend, who she is marrying now. She invited me, sure, also, if we haven’t spoke like for the last year not even once, since she said not to having skype.

But then I just realized when she called me and said that I need to be there, because while she studied abroad there is almost no friends of her she could invite and there will be no people at her side, only on the husband’s side. The same beautiful disrespectful friend, who helped me getting out of my depression after my mom’s death was disrespectful to me.

 

I declined. I regret it every day ever since.

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