Mental trips

God, your “can” can kiss my Barbie

There are certain situations in everyone’s life, which you remember your whole life and where you think, those have had to be arranged by someone, right?

In my youth I used to measure me in these competitions of reading loud. It seems easy, but it is actually not THAT easy to read out a text, which you see for the first time in your life. The competition was perfect for me, I could use my voice and my oral competences to reach out to the audience, since I was like 7 (I remember, when I learned how to read, my mother used not to let me sleep until I couldn’t read out a text without making an error. Well, I am a master in reading out in Hungarian) So I won this competition, when I was 12 at school, the prize was a trip of two weeks to Tallin, but somehow, since I only was 12, and the second best was 14, and the coming year she left school, the jury decided to let her travel and not me, since I could have won also in the upcoming years. (I won every year, however this special price was not available anymore). Fuck Nr. 1

After my mums funeral, when I travelled back to Italy. I took a train from Budapest to Vienna and from Vienna another one to Bologna. The train from Budapest stopped at a station and without any reasons the conductor of the train approaches me and tells, that I should get off the train, since a train will reach that station in some minutes, which will take me to exactly the station in Vienna, where I can catch the train to Bologna. Ok, I mount off the train, get on the connecting train. Some minutes later a person approaches me and tells, that he thinks, that my aura is sooo big and soo visible, which would be hard to find in those days. He starts to “analyze” me and tells that he sees, that I had a huge loss recently – I was in a red dress, quiet, but stable in m soul, there was no point him seeing, that I came from the funeral of my mum – and he predicts that exactly in 5 years, I will have a break in my relationship and will have to decide, if I still want to be with the person, who I am with or I want to move on. He gave me 3 apples and 10 euros to get around in Vienna (5 years later I left Giorgio in a nervous breakdown for some months we didn’t get together). Fuck2

A much funnier story happened to me in Dachau. I went dancing with my friend. Before we went to the club, we started to drink at her place – she was my neighbour – and I left my keys there, knowing that we will come back together. What happened was, that in the club she met the guy, who she enjoyed the company from time to time and she went home with him. Having been drunk, like a donkey, I didn’t even realize the thing about the key, I just took the train from Munich East-train station, fell asleep and did the whole trip until the final station, without waking up in Dachau. No problem, it happened before, I stayed in the train, and waited until I could get back to Dachau, but I fell asleep again and got to the other final station. Cursing and swearing I still stayed in the train and tried hard not to fall asleep that time, so I finally get off in Dachau, walk home and in front of  my door I realize, that I don’t have the key and remember that the key is at my friends’s house, who is in the flat of this guy, 5 stations away from me. You can’t imagine, how I felt, it was already 10 AM…I got on the train again, went to the guy’s house – fortunately I knew, where he lived, woke them up and got her key to her flat, got back to Dachau, went to her house, picked up my key and finally….at like 12 PM I entered my flat. Fuck3

And the final fuck? Yesterday. I know, that there are many people, who are trying to get a job, and being rejected by your dream-company after the final stage doesn’t necessarily mean, that you are an idiot – unless, you really are, but then how possibly could you get to the point, where they invite you for a 4 hour interview and pay for all your expenses  (flight and hotel..yes, the Hilton)? However, I got there, I do this pain-interview, get home with a mashed brain and hope, really just HOPE, that after they decide, I will still feel so motivated and thrilled about them, like I did right before getting into the building. What happens instead is, that they send me an email right the next morning – I finished at 4 PM, so it is hard to understand, how possibly there can be a decision the next morning at 11 AM, but there is – and this nice HR person drops me an email, telling, that they reached to a final decision, so if I want to know it, I should call them or they can just mail it to me. I mean, after an email like this, what do you expect? Who would be possibly so insensible to keep the suspense, and give you a negative  feedback, no? However, they did. The final decision is that “After careful review and consideration of your application and interview feedback unfortunately we will not be proceeding any further for this particular role.” Right. Careful review? Do they have nightshifts or did I tell something really out of the line? Ach, the why? Company policy, they can’t give you any specific feedback. Final Fuck

God…stop playing with me, you gave me the free will, was it just to let me understand, that however free the will is, you still are the only one to decide? And you know what? I won’t break! Fuck me, however many times you want, “I’m never gonna stop


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