After his death, his Stanford Commencement Speech from 2005 became really famous. Not that Steve Jobs ever needed more fame, than he already had with his brilliant visions or his products, but when he told those three stories, people certainly understood something more about this tech genius. Not only was he an excellent businessman, he also was a very interesting person, and that he couldn’t become the first without being the second.
Connecting the dots, the love and loss and the story about death: “If you live each day, as if it was your last, someday you must certainly be right”.
In the last few weeks, I couldn’t not think about this speech. I was so angry and unhappy with what I was doing, I not only felt trapped in my life, I didn’t even know, how to get out of it.
I have this very important path in Italy, a flat, which I designed for my family and myself – cats and Giorgio -, where I also run my translation business and then I have another path, which is also very important, related to my professional career and my hunger to go from one place to another.
I thought to have found the meaning of life this year by not being satisfied with whatever I had. I knew for certain, that I have to go and search for the new, I was so threatened by staying in one place and realizing that the routine of the days will win over me and leaves me in a mediocre life, that I span myself to get always higher and further, should it be professionally or only geographically.
It terminated last Tuesday.
I gave up on this life and decided to leave, what I couldn’t manage anymore, this double life, which I live since almost fifteen years. I now try to believe in the dots, which I have in my past life. These dots will be connected somehow and will clear me my future, I believe in love and the loss, that will guide me towards my inner peace and the quiet and won’t let me down during my every day life, and I certainly believe, that if I couldn’t say about each day of my life, that I am with the people and am doing, what I love to do, then I have to change something and look for my own balance.
I am living the last two months in the UK – probably – and try to enjoy it as much as I can. I made my plan in the first day of my paid holiday and listed everything, I want to do in this time, from how to start to grow my business with more marketing, reaching out to clients, to how to discover the still unknown pieces of London. I am advertising my flat, managing to send my clothes back and am working on my translations finally not only as a side job. (fortunately the business is running good in this month)
It was driving me crazy initially, that I suddenly didn’t have anyone to work for, but me. Crazy, isn’t it? I count myself to be good enough to bring profit in for someone else, but I don’t believe, that I could do the same thing for myself. It is the uncertainty, which I never had, maybe the freedom, that I can work as much as I want to, and the only person, who I am depending on, is me.
I might succeed….I will succeed.