Mental trips

My bucket list

Ok, now this is an easy topic, we all have a so called bucket list, don’t we? I was just reading a very nice and very organized bucket list here on wordpress, and was thinking about mine (yes, since I am a freelancer, I have time to read even blogs. Some time ago I might have classified this activity as a waste of time, now you see, I am browsing the linkedin groups, facebook, wordpress, too bad, I never had time, when I was working. Soon I will be the most updated officially unemployed in my county!)

So back to this list, anything that comes into my mind, is easy stuff, like:  (am thinking about the easy stuff since 3 minutes…)

  • going to the TATE (1 week and is not on the list anymore), (10 seconds pass and here is the next one)
  • listening live to Chomsky,
  • eating a real T-bone streak (fiorentina for my Italian readers) in a Tuscan restaurant in the mountains (I guess, this one I can check in a month, not that I will die afterwards, Chomsky might save me), maybe even feeling to be a mum (this is awkward, it is not entirely my choice),
  • Rocky Horror Picture Show in a theater, where it is also recited (I heard there is a movie theater in Berlin, where they play it every week with live shows),

but my point is, that this is only a made up list, I don’t really have dreams for my whole lifetime, which should keep me alive at any cost.

I started to plan my life, when I was already like 30. Before that everything just happened to me. I got to Germany through a job insert, which my friend read, I haven’t even thought about searching for a job by that time, I learned Italian, because I wanted to have at least one person in our relationship to be able to speak its mother tongue, and I was sure, Hungarian is not a language, you would learn easily, so I made the effort for Giorgio, I got to Italy, because I wanted to be with Giorgio and I came here to London, because I wanted to get out from Italy, nothing was planed, these things were practical choices in a logical moment. (maybe if I would have had seen, how much I want to make a difference later in the world of the artificial intelligence, I would have learnt writing code, now I am not even dreaming about it to be the developer of anything, it is hard enough for me to prepare a good specification for a code).

Is it necessary, that people are driven by their dreams? After I turned 30, I made up a plan for the next 12 months, which contained three things:

1. I will start to live with Giorgio (2 month later),

2. I will graduate (10 month later),

3. I will find a job (1 year later).

Then it just went on and on, I wanted something, I realized it, I wanted something else, I realized that something. I don’t think, that I have superpowers, to do everything, I want, I might just see, how far my arms reach and don’t even want to do impossible things. Like being skinny once (come on, I am just not built to be skinny, I can lose weight, if I want to, but my body seems to be ok with the weight I am carrrying), or going into space (all that money, without having the dream? Let’s be it rather listening to Chomsky). For a long time I wanted to speak French. Now that I wrote it down, I might even want to do it, to find an exchange partner, starting to learn it, becoming a translator, maybe an interpreter once…That one I would like, even just for the sake of reading Kundera in original.

Is my life senseless, because I don’t have dreams? (let’s remind Chomsky though, at least, until he is active) Let’s see this bucket list again from 20 years ago, maybe just the future is keeping me away from seeing my dreams:

1. I wanted to see Madonna live (did it)

2. I wanted to see the sea (living in the seaside soon)

3. I wanted to make the difference in something I am good at (well, this was just the wanting to be famous, but I haven’t had my 15 minutes of fame yet)

4. I wanted to speak 5 languages (well…or I need to fresh up Spanish or I need to go with French soon)

5. I wanted to be good in the Trivium (checked, sorry for being arrogant, I think, I am, maybe not in the English grammar, you have the point)

I guess, I should think about this bucket list, before it will be too late, but how am I supposed to know, when it is too late? I know, the fact is, that the more you work towards your dreams, the more satisfying life you will live, no matter how long you live…yes, ignorance is bliss


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